Thursday, June 21, 2007

The Chat on Fat

I opened my e-mail today and realized that every day I am reminding myself of things I have not done, will not do or simply don't have time for. Every day, I get cute little blurbs from such big hitters as:,,,,,,,, I am starting my day a failure already. I did not work out. I did not meditate on my daily food choices, nor did I have time to make a heart healthy lunch. My emotions are running high and I do not want to think about exercise or dieting or food or anything. What would make me happy is a very large pizza and an even larger Coke. Regular.

Do you know I’ve tried every single diet known in the free world? Cabbage Diet, Jenny Craig, Weight-Watchers, Nutrisystem, Atkins Diet, SouthBeach Diet, Richard Simmons Diet, Grapefruit Diet, Starve Yourself To Death Diet, Pritikin Diet, Heart Healthy Diet, The God Diet (you pray a lot that you won’t gain weight while you shove the food into your mouth), and others I’ve forgotten the names of. I also have an assortment of exercise videos that rival the entire nationwide library of Blockbuster, Inc. Jane, of course, The Firm, The Not So Firm, Walk to Lose Weight, Yoga to Lose Weight, Stretching to Lose Weight, Breathing to Lose Weight and of course, every tape and book released by Richard Simmons. I also have a collection of CD's that you are supposed to use when you are walking and/or jogging to keep a nice, fast pace and I have any and all things even remotely endorsed by Oprah Winfrey. I am currently on high alert for updates on Valerie Bertinelli's weight loss challenge.

Are you getting the impression that the money I have invested in the quest to lose weight has equaled the gross national product of some small countries? No wonder I’m in the red and Jane Fonda has 4 houses.

For grins, let's review the home exercise equipment I have bought, the majority of which has found permanent residence in my garage, until being put out by the front of my house in recognition of amnesty day, when the garbage men will pick up absolutely anything except marked explosives. On second thought, let's not. I just can’t embarrass myself any further.

I’m assuming you are getting the point. I have issues. Food issues. Weight issues. I handle stress by shoving food in my mouth. Don’t care what kind of food particularly and I have found out that even too much of a good thing will add pounds. I once had this thing for oranges. I just fixated on them and ate above and beyond the normal orange per home capita. The entire state of Florida noted off the chart economic growth. I gained weight.

Perhaps there is some credence to the perimenopause idea. I’m experiencing desperate Food Swings. Pizza....celery. Chocolate BBQ Ribs.....spinach. An entire block of dark, dark, chocolate.....and an entire block of dark, dark, chocolate. (I just crave that ALL the time).

So the solution? Yes, I should remind myself of what my cardiologist told me which I shared with you in a previous post -- to make small, permanent changes and stop beating myself up. But WHY? Why...when we can food flog ourselves into self-loathing delirium?

Should life always be neat and easy? No! Of course not. As Captain James T. Kirk said in Star Trek V, "I NEED my pain!" It is our right as women to reject the logical and go for that which will undermine all the work we just did with our psychologist...and our personal trainer.

This, friends, is why I love America.


Boatwoman said...

Hi Lara.
I reckon every woman has tried a diet at sometime, but I have always thought that the only person benefiting from the diet is the person who designed it. I do not think we should beat ourselves up over our weight.
I used to be a UK size 18 arghhhhh, but by changing my eating habits and walking a bit more I have got down to a Uk size 14, which for me is great and I am very happy with that. I stopped worrying what any thought. After all it is my body.
I am sure you will be fine, but if you need to rant to someone you know where I am.
Jo x

Anonymous said...

I, um, was gonna skip my workout today. (Wince.) Now if you'll pardon me, I have to grab my gym bag. "Anne"