Wednesday, May 23, 2007

The Good Mother

Remember that movie with Diane Keaton and Liam Neeson? Diane Keaton is a single mom who falls in love with Neeson. Her ex-husband eventually takes her to court over custody of their daughter because he believes Keaton's affair with Neeson is "unhealthy" for the child. It was directly very sensitively by Leonard Nimoy -- Mr. Spock from the classic Star Trek series. I won't give you any more information about it and watch it.

So what makes a "Good Mother"? You don't need to be a single working mom to wrestle with that everyday. And if you have kids with medical problems or other issues, your load is twice as heavy.

Are you a "Bad Mother" if after healing from divorce, you begin dating again? Or are you hoping to show your children what a healthy adult relationship looks like? Now in the movie, Keaton makes an error in judgement concerning her daughter and Neeson. A mistake her ex-husband jumps on swiftly. He thinks he's doing the right thing, she doesn't think she's done anything improper or worthy of being called an "unfit" mother. They end up leaving it in the judge's lap.

Fortunately, I do not have much valid intervention from WAM. He works by insinuation that I'm a bad mother. He's told the kids I have no backbone and am weak willed. Wow. That hurts. He's yelled that I've interferred with visitation. He's spewed that I've "bad mouthed" his wife. Right. Whatever. But bottom line, he doesn't have the balls to back up anything that squirts out of his mouth. There is some functioning part of his brain that knows if he gets a lawyer and drags my ass to court, that he's looking at a staggering amount of documented damage he's done emotionally and physically to both me and the kids. So what's a bully to do but bully some more? The difference is, I've moved on, the kids are moving on and he hasn't.

So you tell me. What makes a Good Mother? I work full time, I have a great 4-year relationship with a wonderful man. My kids have a good relationship with Sam and I have a loving relationship with Sam's son, Thomas. Should I not have tried to move on and just stayed home, totally devoted to my kids? Or is it right to show them that I am a person, that I need adult time -- that most people do not want to be alone and enjoy the companionship of someone of the opposite sex?

Maybe it comes down to the bottom line choice: if my daughter was vomiting with 103 degree fever and Sam and I had a date, no, I wouldn't go out. If my daughter ever needed me to be somewhere for her, I would be there. The same holds true for my son. They come first before me right now (at ages 16 and 10) because one day they will be grown and on their own. And what I want them to remember is that Sam made me happy and I made him happy. That I worked so we could have a nice place to live and because I enjoyed what I did. But that most of all, through everything, that I was a pretty Good Mother.


Biby Cletus said...

Cool blog, i just randomly surfed in, but it sure was worth my time, will be back

Deep Regards from the other side of the Moon

Biby Cletus

Lara Angelina said...

Thanks for vote of confidence! I obviously have self-esteem issues, so thanks again!