Thursday, May 17, 2007

Just step away

That's my advice to you. Hit "next blog" and move on. However, for those of you who sit through bad movies and listen to even the most pathetic co-worker with sympathy, this blog is for you.

Truly, I've found that everyone’s life is a series of miraculous stories. Yes, even yours. Even mine. I’m about as average as you can possibly get without being Perry Como (God Rest His Soul). I have no particular reason for spreading my life history out like a bad Jerry Springer episode other than ….well… see if I can. And not to go off on a tangent, but here’s a little slice of knowledge for anyone who’s spouse, significant other, mother, sister, brother, best friend, next door neighbor or boss suggests they appear on Jerry Springer together: when all is said and done, it won’t be good news.

As I said, the relationships, ups and downs, triumphs and defeats in our lives and in those that are close to us make up a rich history of who we are. My face shows the laughter I’ve shared, the tears I’ve shed, and my heart carries the warmth of a woman with children, with friends, with family. My body shows the wear and tear of chronic depression, anxiety, heart disease and the coping mechanism of using food to comfort. I’ve been about as far down as you can be without having died from sheer emotional pain, I’ve been as happy as a pig in slop, surrounded by friends and family. I’ve eaten my way up to 210 pounds, down again, up again, down again and up again. Through it all, I’ve gotten to this place I am now by not giving up, by relying on my friends, family, doctors, psychologists --- and by just having faith. Faith that tomorrow just had to be better. Faith that the world is basically a fair place filled with mostly kind, generous people. Yes, I’ve been screwed. Who hasn’t? But there must be some underlying base knowledge that as the sun rises in the east, there’s someone, something, bigger than us driving the bus. Sometimes, I’ve learned, we just need to let the bad stuff happen. No one said it was gonna be easy, but putting one foot in front of the other every day and going forward, using our friends and our family as buoys, believing in a higher power, well, somehow we get through it all.

I’ve lived through a fairly happy childhood, a tough teen life, the beginnings of panic disorder in my 20’s, a disastrous, abusive marriage through my thirties and ½ my forties, but I’m stronger now than I ever was or ever would have been if I hadn’t gone through hell and back. So settle on in and take a trip through my life. I may be pretty average, but I’m not boring.

Well, my editors -- as you can see -- have advised me to stop here. Besides, the kids are yelling for something.

Story of my life.

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