Sunday, January 13, 2008

Suburban Misanthopia

Last September, my daughter decided she wanted to be a cheerleader. Well...ok!...although this encompassed an exorbitant amount of my time taking her to practices and driving her to football games that could be 25 miles away or more. But she was excited, the bonding was good for her because of her ADD and the training helped her expend her boundless energy. Me? Yea, I should have been training with them, but I used the time as I sat at the practices and little league football games to read, listen to my iPod or close my eyes behind my sunglasses. She loved it. I cheered her on during her squad's halftime show and then we went home after the game.

Now I am a fairly chatty, personable person. I can have a decent conversation with just about anyone, anywhere, even if alcohol isn't present. Somehow, and I don't know why exactly, I'm having...and have had...trouble bonding with the typical Suburban Mom.

We've already established that I'm a bit "off the wall". As much as I wish I was, I'm just not Suburban Wife and Mom material, even though being a wife and mother is what I truly wanted. Now that I have my own life (as I did in my 20's), the kids are getting older and a bit more self sufficient, I find I have more and more difficulty "blending" in with the neighborhood/cheerleading/soccer moms. This is no reflection on them. It's a reflection on me.

Most of them -- say 95% -- are married, either non-working or working just part time outside the home. There are very few of them in my section of the boat....status post heart attack with panic disorder, a crazy ex-husband, 2 kids, one with ADHD, no other family, a bright son who quit highschool (but will be starting junior college early and taking his GED), working full time and trying desperately to stay ahead of the dirty laundry monster who is perpetually at my heels.

I guess part of the disconnect is that I look at some of these women with envy -- one just got her last child of 3 off to college and she decided to start to look for a job. She landed a great one at a little bookstore, 9-3, 2 days a week. Some are in school, taking a class here and there. Others are at home, comtemplating starting a home-based business. I guess what they have, which I wished I had, is not the time to be home necessarily, but is having a stable, relatively happy marriage. I'll probably never know what that feels like, even though it is something I wanted. I'll never know what it's like to have your husband overjoyed that you are pregnant and taking part in your pregnancy and preparing for the birth of your child. And that makes me sad. Sometimes overwhelmingly sad.

But to combat the blues, I have marched decidedly forward as a single person, determined to get my self confidence make a list of goals that I can achieve on my own.

And this is all good. All totally positive and good.

But I still wish for that which I will never have.....


Susan Helene Gottfried said...

I hear you. I wish the suburban moms around here were more like me.

I just hang with the ones who are and laugh to myself when I encounter the ones who aren't.

jenn said...

Never say never! You don't know what your life will be like 5 or 10 years down the road. Stay positive!

Anonymous said...

Great and interesting post on confidence building. Agree with you fully. However we have our own view on confidence building too. You can find out more at

Anonymous said...

Oh, I hate it when you hurt like this! Please remember that you don't know how those suburban mom lives feel to the women who are living them. They may be frightened by the changes they face as they re-enter the workforce or return to school. They may look at you and see someone who has enviable autonomy.

I also think you must be pretty good at chatting with these women. How else would you know about their part time jobs, their classes, or their home-based businesses?


Andywhere said...

Have u try the online bookstore

I get all my textbooks for this semester from this bookstore. All are brand new and 60%off discount from normal price. See if any help.

hehe ^_^