Thursday, August 30, 2007

You Knew I Couldn't Let It Pass...

As I am frequently my own straight man, I must expound on my previous post introducing you to "The Depression Channel", number 1313 on your 10,000 channel satelite dish.

Monday's Lineup:

"Wheel of Mis-Fortune" spin the wheel and land on a diagnosis -- then try to decipher the recommended anti-psychotic med up on the board! Wynona Rider stars in the Vanna White role!
"Late Nights with Larry King" See the step by step progression of dementia.
"Malcolm at the End of His Rope"
"Full House of People on the Edge"
"Survivor....or Maybe Not"
"Getting to Know You: The Fun Side of Charles Manson"

Tuesday's Lineup:

All shows previously run on Court TV or anything produced and narrated by Bill Kurtis. If time allows, a possible preview of a new movie for our viewers: "Eyes Wide Shut", which stars Tom Cruise, producer of a new series on our channel: "Post Partum Depression - Answers for New Moms."

Wednesday's Listings:
Literary Night:

"Alister Cook Reads" Tonight: The Bell Jar.
"William Shatner Reads" Tonight: The Biography of Vincent...Van...Gogh.

Thursday's listings:

Movie madness: "Girl, Interrupted" "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" "The Frances Farmer Story", "Full Metal Jacket", "Secret Window" and "A Clockwork Orange".

Friday's line up:
Documentary Night

"Meds and You...and You....and You" New help for schizophrenics.
The Hand Washer's Companion: which soaps don't chafe, which lotions FEEL like soap, but will make hands soft and smooth, and an interactive live discussion entitled "To Towel or Not to Towel?"
Rubber-Necker's Quarterly: Agoraphobics learn the tricks of the neighborhood spying game. Includes step by step instructions on how to listen in on neighbors conversations while never leaving the comfort of your own home.
Home Security Innovations: Checking locks over and over? Introducing a revolutionary new system that lets you lie in bed and have a robot check your front door lock -- over and over and over while you relax in secure comfort. Robot runs on 24 hour battery with a back up for compulsive emergencies.

Satuday:

Biography: "The Really Forgotten Kennedy: Rosemary" Along with the preview of the newly found letter from Rose to Sr. Joseph Kennedy: "Dearest Husband, You took Rosemary out for ice cream a couple weeks ago and her bed doesn't seem to have been slept in. Do you know where she is? Possibly with her brother Jack in the hospital? I don't know. I haven't seen either of them in ages. Love, Rose. PS -- Is Jack still in the hospital?"

Background music provided by Warren Zevon's "You're Never Alone With A Schizophrenic".

Sunday:

The fun side of clinical depression with a looping of Monty Python's "Spot the Looney" sketch ALL DAY!

If nothing else, I made myself laugh.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well, it's hard to type because I'm laughing so hard milk came out my nose. But look at the bright side, old girl. At least you're not Owen Wilson. Right now, as we speak (6:50 on Thursday) Dr. Phil is counseling the man he's never met on Entertainment Tonight. Really, Doc, hasn't Owen suffered enough?

Anne

PS Gotta go. I have to see if the VCR still works so I can tape Biography on Saturday.

Samara Leigh said...

Your listings are hilarious. And disturbing. :-)

Anonymous, I thought I was the only one who thought it strange that Dr. Phil has such a penchant for advising complete strangers from a distance.

But, in reality, as a society we do it all of the time. Who hasn't told their friends what Paris, Nicole, or Britney NEED, despite the fact that we haven't met them. I guess it's just that we'd like to think that an actual Dr. would know better. :-)

Lori said...

LMAO...that is some funny stuff right there!! I Love Your Blog:) As soon as my blog stops acting up, Im gonna link you to my site. You go GIRL!!!!