How Dare You, Barry Manilow!!
I just realized the song "Can't Smile Without You" which is tied to Manilow like a co-dependent to his/her enabler, is the National Anthem of the Co-Dependent/Enablers Union**, of which I am a card carrying member. Oh, you disagree? Take a gander:
"You know I can't smile without you,
Can't smile without you.
I can't laugh and I can't sing,
I'm finding it hard to do anything.
You see I feel sad when you're sad,
I feel glad when your glad,
If you only knew what I'm going through,
I just can't smile without you."
HUH? HUH? What about THOSE lyrics? Granted, Manilow didn't write the darn thing, but it's been one of his signature songs for a long time. He used to bring women up onto the stage to actually sing it with him (until one lady grabbed a hold of his ass and wouldn't let go, which he didn't think was particularly funny....). But what did he expect? She was CO-DEPENDENT for heaven's sakes. She was hearing her Fight Song! Her Anthem!! She got a hold of her Co-Dependee and wouldn't let go until security shot her up with fentenyl and versed and used the Jaws of Life to pry her clamped fingers off his rear end (just kidding--but as with all jokes, there's a grain of truth in them. It's up to you to find out what's true and what isn't. I'm just telling a story here and empowered with literary license).
Barry thinks "Can't Smile" is a chipper ol' song about undying love and pining away. Sure it is.....the enabler is just pining away to get her lover out of jail after his 6th DUI (golly, he only really drinks one or two on the weekends), or not questioning the strange massive withdrawals from your checking account after you gave your boyfriend of 2 months access to your account number. Why make him mad? He LOVES you. He'll pay you back. He's a great guy. Or calling the school over and over to say your teenager is sick while she is really just hung over after being up all night on the computer talking to Sid, whom you haven't determined is female or male or under 45.
Or how about just old fashioned anger? How about being that enabler who knows that any anger erupting within a 45 mile radius to due to something she had either DONE or FAILED to do and then must make everything better even if it means selling her own soul to the devil. An enabler would be HAPPY to sell her soul if it would assure that everyone is happy and not making her pay (cuz you know, 'someone HAS to pay') for every mistake that ever happened in the history of the planet. I know. I tried! You wouldn't believe how HARD it is to sell your soul. Really. Some souls Lucifer just ain't interested in -- imagine what THAT does to your confidence level.
Anyway, Barry, tell it like it is. "Can't Smile" is a sad, sad song about co-dependents unable to live their own life because they are too busy enabling someone else's life. They "can't smile" unless someone else is smiling. They feel sad if someone else is sad. They are "finding it hard to do anything". Barry -- that's Co-dependency, not a LOVE SONG!!
So I hope you will take this in the spirit it was written --- and for god's sake don't get angry or I'll never be happy until you're happy again.
(**for real help with co-dependency, read Melanie Beatty's "Co-dependent No More"**)
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Co-Dependent Fight Song
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Thursday Thirteen #24
13 Things for your To-Do List (according to an "Oprah-like" magazine):
This sort of cracked me up. I mean NONE of this crap is on my to-do list. I have stuff like, for instance: #3: Clean the litter pans; #5: get the green, gloopy, gooey old laundry soap out of the washer dispenser; #8: Change the vacuum cleaner bag; and #10: remember to feed the kids.
But here is the list from a magazine which hints that following its lead will result in a life to be lived:
#1 -- Dare to Dream. (I do dare, but I still end up having nightmares.)
#2 -- Set your alarm 30 minutes earlier and go for a walk. (Very good idea. Especially when there's 15 feet of snow, it's -2 degrees and the wind chill is about 40 below zero. That'll wake you up...or kill you.)
#3 -- Take a new way home from work. (I do this anyway to avoid the car accidents. Even though the roads are covered in snow and black ice, people still drive like it's June.)
#4 -- Go dancing. (um....hahahahahah! Ever see what happens to an ankle in stilettos on a nice ice-slide?)
#5 -- Turn off the TV (Another good idea except that the TV generates heat and my gas bill is lower if I keep it on.)
#6 -- Deliver cookies to your neighbors. (I would except between December and April, I'm not sure I have any neighbors.)
#7 -- Choose happiness. (Ok)
#8 -- Reward yourself for something you haven't done (I haven't mowed the lawn since October. Of course, I haven't HAD a lawn since October. So does that count?)
#9 -- Get away for the weekend. (These people don't have teenagers....)
#10 -- Rearrange your living room. (Why? To expose all the places covered in cat hair that I haven't vacuumed?)
#11 -- Stand up straight. (They haven't seen my post about sciatica apparently).
#12 -- Go scuba diving. Star in a play. Write a book. (All at once? Aren't I under enough pressure?)
#13 -- In a small notebook, write out 5 things you are grateful for. (I'm grateful for alot of things in winter...but mainly having a warm house, enough food and my kids and cats to keep me company as we slowly go insane from lack of sunlight.)
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Oh No, That's Gonna Hurt...
I have been to the doctor about 10 times since Christmas because of a cold, then a virus, then a sinus infection. In a nutshell, I am miserable.
However, I didn't know exactly HOW miserable I was going to get. The doctor blindsided me today. It went something like this:
"um...Lara....we ran some blood tests because you've been unable to shake this infection you have."
I nod. I know it -- it's doctor speak. I'm fine. But here comes the question that sends the hairs on the back of my neck to a 90 degree angle.
"Do you have a history of diabetes in your family?"
I stared for about 10 seconds, then hung my head ala Thomas Magnum. Resigned. Aware. Cooked. Busted. Cornered.
"Yes...."
"Well, your fasting glucose is....blah, blah, blah and your A1c marker is blah, blah, blah. Your markers have been going slowly but steadily upwards...and you are now considered diabetic."
Yup. Ambushed.
Now I know enough to know that this isn't a death sentence. It could have been much worse. It was found early and hopefully I can be controlled with diet and more exercise. But this news comes on the heels of a special anniversary this year: 10 years since I had a heart attack. 2/14/1998 -- Valentine's Day -- My heart gave out. But I survived and I'm here and FINALLY, when I'm just beginning to get the thumbs up from life insurance agents, I get kicked out of the ballpark again.
Man, I hate it when that happens.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Thursday Thirteen #20! Thirteen Men....
...I Would Run Away With and Why. Perhaps the WHY part is more important here? And let me know of any similarities you see in my picks. It'll help me when I place my wish list on match.com. (Note to Sam: just kidding, honey!)
1. Robert Redford. Sure, you're thinking it's because of that still perfect head of hair. But no (well, maybe a little). It's because of Sundance...the film festival and all that beautiful land in Utah we could explore! With any luck, they'd never find us. 
2. William Shatner. C'mon. Who laughs at himself better than the Negotiator? And truth be told, I've been a Shat-nerd since that Captain James Tiberius Kirk thing, but the Shat of the new millenium is funnier than hell. And funny is so attractive.
3. Tommy Lee Jones. It's that rugged man's man thing -- strong, street smart, totally confident, comfy in his own skin. So sexy. Someone to watch over me....and I wouldn't have to hold in my stomach.
4. Johnny Depp. Because one minute you'd be sleeping next to the man in Chocolat and the next that murderous singing barber, Sweeny Todd. Would definitely keep you on your toes. And then there's those deep, dark, expressive EYES. Whew.
5. Tom Selleck. The epitome of Tall, Dark and Handsome. And smart. Looks good in Hawaiian shirts. Could probably hold up the end of the car with one hand while changing the tire with the other. Or...maybe just hire someone to do the job while he kisses you up against that red ferrari (that's where the smarts come in). 
6. Barry Manilow. Besides those magnificent piano playin' hands, he could wake you up by singing a love song he composed for you overnight. He's Type A and doesn't sleep anyway. Music and passion, honey, music and passion. It's that illusion of creative vulnerability -- and I fall for it every time.
7. David Duchovny. Great ass and poster man for the saying, "Smart is Sexy". All he would have to do is punch out a couple of those dry "Mulderisms" and I'd be a goner. (Altho Anne and I have debated if we should run away with the WRITER who WROTE the line, or Duchovny who interpreted and delivered the line....hmmm? Silence to those of you suggesting a menage a trois. I'm a one-man-at-a-time woman.)
8. Matthew Perry. I can't explain it. All I can say is "we love whom we love". He's like a stranded kitten and I couldn't resist him with wild horses dragging me the other way.
9. Hugh Grant. It's the whole package....the accent, the British-ness of him. All those feelings behind that stoic British exterior all saved up just for little ol' me. I feel I'm up to the challenge.
10. David Steinberg. I've loved him since the 1970's. He's been a stand up comedian, a director, a writer, an author and a talk show host. Funny, brilliant and so handsome. And since he was studying theology before he went into show business, my walking Old Testament. Who could resist a Moses joke?
11. Dick Cavett. A Yale graduated brainiac with a great sense of humor, I've adored him forever too. Anyone who can comfortably interview the likes of Janis Joplin, Truman Capote, Katherine Hepburn, John Lennon and hold his own with Groucho is someone I want to be with. I'd be a walk in the park next to the likes of them and I could talk all day without complaint.
12. John Cleese. I could listen to him talk for hours. Funny, smart, talented, saavy and kenetic...in a great package. Besides, he cleans up so well as a woman! And who could not love the man who portrayed the head of the "Ministry of Silly Walks", Basil Fawlty, and who blurted out, "I fart in your general direction" on the big screen? 
13. Morgan Freeman. Strong, smart, totally sexy...I would follow him anywhere and not worry about a thing. Ever. He's one of those men that gives you the impression that if he says he loves you, he LOVES you...and that's that. You'd never have one moment of doubt. ahhh.....security.
And because I need someone UNDER 40 (and found this absolutely gorgeous picture of Leo):
14. Leonardo DiCaprio. Every movie he's in, I like him more and more and respect his talent more and more. Besides, he a staunch environmentalist ala Redford. So more and more I think I could run off with him and not look back. (As long we don't go by ship).
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Failure is NOT an Option
NaNoWriMo update:
Still hovering around 3,000 words. However, and this could be a ploy to avoid the actual competition of NaNo, but I've started 2 other stories. One at a respectable 3000 words and another at a measly, but nonetheless productive, 1500.
So, in my effort to keep myself bouyant, I have added all the stories together into a genre hodgepodge and came up with a total of close to 9000 words written since the beginning of November.
Not anywhere near the 20,000 I should be at, and spaced between a romance, chicklit and a fictional short story, but still. 9,000 words.
I heard a story about a women who went to medical school at 40 years of age. She was criticized for being too old and was told she couldn't keep up physically with the challenges. It took her several years and when she was 46 and a physician with her own practice they asked her how she did it.
She said, "I just figured I'd get older either way and gave 100%."
Point well taken.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Bad Mother Of The Year Award
BAD MOTHER of the year AWARD goes to:
Runners up: Britney Spears, Michael Jackson
Grand prize winner: Lara Angelina Harrison
(applause)
“Thank you all for this wonderful recognition of my talents. And to be in such company as Britney and Michael…well, I’m literally speechless.
“I’d like to say, for the record, that my ex-husband has always believed in my gift of bad mothering. For nearly 12 years, he reminded me constantly of my inability to properly parent the fruits of my womb. And here before you, I proudly acknowledge that nearly the entire planet agrees with him. Thumbs up, WAM!
“It’s taken years of fucking things up to get to this point. It’s taken years off my life, hairs off my head and added layers of rubber tire fat – the kind that gives you diabetes and makes you die. It’s also given me chronic insomnia and a fairly intimate relationship with panic disorder. Sure, it’s sacrifice. But well worth it if you wish to become as bad a mother as I am.
“Of course I’ve heard that my son is wonderful with children. He works at an afterschool day camp for grammar school kids. They call him ‘Mr. Sean’ and follow his 5’10” frame around like he’s Hans Christian Anderson. I also know that my neighbors call him to sit their kids and they love him. Fine – he trustworthy, respectful, helps around the house, is devoted to his music, helps with his sister, goes to the library to read, but for heaven’s sake woman: HE’S DROPPED OUT OF HIGHSCHOOL! I know. Thank you. I couldn’t have done it without my instinct for bad mothering.
“Let’s just, for now, get past the point that he wants to take his GED and start college earlier….let’s focus on the fact that my bad mothering has fostered his irresponsibility toward high school. Ok? After all, isn’t BAD MOTHERING what this is all about?
“I could, of course, continue to list my other accomplishments with my daughter, Erin. At 11, she is growing into a beautiful young girl, and I know will continue to make me proud of my bad mothering. I’m hoping that in the future, I will be standing before you again, accepting the BAD MOTHER AWARD in honor of the job I’ve done with Erin.
“Thank you again…..and good night.
Oh, and by the way, cast your vote tonight – I’m also up for ‘Most Wish-Washy Christian Not Yet Living In Hell’, ‘The Worst Ex-Wife On The Planet Earth’ and ‘The Most Unworthy of Anything Good That Ever Comes to Her’. Thank you again.”
Thursday, August 30, 2007
You Knew I Couldn't Let It Pass...
As I am frequently my own straight man, I must expound on my previous post introducing you to "The Depression Channel", number 1313 on your 10,000 channel satelite dish.
Monday's Lineup:
"Wheel of Mis-Fortune" spin the wheel and land on a diagnosis -- then try to decipher the recommended anti-psychotic med up on the board! Wynona Rider stars in the Vanna White role!
"Late Nights with Larry King" See the step by step progression of dementia.
"Malcolm at the End of His Rope"
"Full House of People on the Edge"
"Survivor....or Maybe Not"
"Getting to Know You: The Fun Side of Charles Manson"
Tuesday's Lineup:
All shows previously run on Court TV or anything produced and narrated by Bill Kurtis. If time allows, a possible preview of a new movie for our viewers: "Eyes Wide Shut", which stars Tom Cruise, producer of a new series on our channel: "Post Partum Depression - Answers for New Moms."
Wednesday's Listings:
Literary Night:
"Alister Cook Reads" Tonight: The Bell Jar.
"William Shatner Reads" Tonight: The Biography of Vincent...Van...Gogh.
Thursday's listings:
Movie madness: "Girl, Interrupted" "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" "The Frances Farmer Story", "Full Metal Jacket", "Secret Window" and "A Clockwork Orange".
Friday's line up:
Documentary Night
"Meds and You...and You....and You" New help for schizophrenics.
The Hand Washer's Companion: which soaps don't chafe, which lotions FEEL like soap, but will make hands soft and smooth, and an interactive live discussion entitled "To Towel or Not to Towel?"
Rubber-Necker's Quarterly: Agoraphobics learn the tricks of the neighborhood spying game. Includes step by step instructions on how to listen in on neighbors conversations while never leaving the comfort of your own home.
Home Security Innovations: Checking locks over and over? Introducing a revolutionary new system that lets you lie in bed and have a robot check your front door lock -- over and over and over while you relax in secure comfort. Robot runs on 24 hour battery with a back up for compulsive emergencies.
Satuday:
Biography: "The Really Forgotten Kennedy: Rosemary" Along with the preview of the newly found letter from Rose to Sr. Joseph Kennedy: "Dearest Husband, You took Rosemary out for ice cream a couple weeks ago and her bed doesn't seem to have been slept in. Do you know where she is? Possibly with her brother Jack in the hospital? I don't know. I haven't seen either of them in ages. Love, Rose. PS -- Is Jack still in the hospital?"
Background music provided by Warren Zevon's "You're Never Alone With A Schizophrenic".
Sunday:
The fun side of clinical depression with a looping of Monty Python's "Spot the Looney" sketch ALL DAY!
If nothing else, I made myself laugh.
